Green Light

It's been a couple years since I've sat down and done this. In fact, I don't know that I've done this since my youngest son was born, about three years ago. In that time I've watched amazing and fascinating things in sports. I'd say the train wreck that was Jim Harbaugh vs Trent Baalke was amazing, if only for it's comedic value. The return of Matt Harvey after 18 months and Tommy John surgery is fascinating. While sports continues to dominate my attention I do often sit at home and wonder things. Here are a few of them!

If I woke up tomorrow and I had Superman's powers, would I use them for good or evil? I've pondered this for years and I'm still undecided. On the one hand, some people deserve to have their faces beat in for their idiocy (I'm looking at you, Congress!). Then again, the ability to fly into a hostage situation and keep police from getting hurt isn't bad either. I still believe I'd do more bad than good. My first order of business would be "finding" myself a new Ferrari. Not like they could stop me!

Why am I so obsessed with tacos? I can make them three times a week and I still drool every time I pass a Filberto's. Especially on taco Tuesday.

Why does television have to suck so hard? I love Arrow, but that's about it. Everything else I like I think is on Netflix now. Big Bang isn't nearly as good since Kaley Cuoco cut her hair. It looks horrible. I literally sit there with Alicia when it's on and I just glower at the screen, like she in any way knows how much I loathe her short hair. She went from one of the hottest women ever, in my opinion, to just some chick that plays a reformed whore on some TV show. Also, as much as I enjoy Jim Parsons on this show he really doesn't seem like he can do ANYTHING else, like we're watching his entire range as an actor. That makes me sad. If it isn't sports I usually want nothing to do with it.

I saw someone on Facebook post a picture of Lake Ontario, he said it was -28 C. WHAT THE HELL?! That's, what, about -85 F? I'm sorry, any time I can take a cup of hot water outside and it's an ice cube in less time that I can take a sip, that's too cold. I'll keep my Phoenix weather, thanks.

Fuck the Dallas Cowboys. Sorry, there is a commercial on TV with two country music guys standing in Dallas stadium. I hate Dallas. I hate Dallas so much that I'm interrupting my typing to put an "F" Dallas into it.

Why does GM have such a difficult time making quality vehicles? Seriously, in my years selling cars you know how many Chevy's I saw with 200,000 miles? Maybe two or three. You know how many Honda and Toyota cars (not talking trucks) I saw? I lost count, there were tons. And they still ran great! It's a quality issue, and for some reason the belief at GM seems to be that consumers are idiots, and every year millions of people here prove them right. I'd like to run GM for a couple years, see how screwed up that entire company is and how hard it would be to implement some quality control.

The Xbox vs Playstation debate. I think it's a preference. I prefer Xbox.

I wish someone would buy the Mario franchise from Nintendo and make more games. Those continue to be some of the best games every year, yet they are on the worst, most overpriced system. I'm sure they could make more by selling it.

Remember when kids just KNEW that when the sun went down it was time to come inside? I tell my kid that at least 3 times a week, yet he never gets it. I'm sure kids today are stupider as a result of technology. Literally, dumber. Power goes out and they have no clue how to have fun. I could play with a box of G.I. Joe's all day and never get bored. He can't play with toys for five minutes without complaining that he has nothing fun to do. Reading? Another lost art. I still read, you think they would follow my example every once in a while. Nope, not when it comes to that.

Who picks out the color choices for sofas? Why is any shade of green still popular? I get the neutral tan and beige colors, those make sense. I wish I could have a blue leather chair, just to say that I have one.

Here's hoping Cal can ever be relevant in the PAC 12 again as a football team. Doesn't seem likely right now.

I miss the old, cheap BBQ chip flavor from when I was a kid. Now they all use a thicker, heavier BBQ seasoning. Not as good, if you ask me.

I saw Randy Johnson smile and laugh on an interview after his Hall of Fame acceptance was announced. What a freaky thing! He seemed like a cool guy, which goes against everything we were led to believe when he played. He explained that, said it was how he felt he had to be to play to that level for so many years. I'm paraphrasing, but that was basically it. I guess it makes sense. To be the meanest, nastiest pitcher in the majors you can't walk around grinning like an idiot all the time. Besides, that was done by the rest of the team, hitting guys with whipped cream pies and setting shoes on fire. Baseball players really never grow up, which may be why I like it so much.

Speaking of baseball, what do you suppose Jeter is doing now? I wonder if he's even shaved since he retired. It's so weird to see the Yankees play and not see #2 on the field.

I saw about 10 minutes ago that Chip McDaniels in Philly has traded Nick Foles, a shockingly good Arizona product, to the Rams for Sam Bradford. Let me give you a minute to digest that.

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Yeah, that means he traded away Shady and Foles for guys that DIDN'T EVEN PLAY LAST YEAR BECAUSE THEY WERE INJURED, and he let the only good receiver he had, Maclin, take off too.  As a Giants fan I couldn't be enjoying the dismantling of the Eagles any more than this, really! As a true fan of the NFL, I have to wonder if he'll make it to week 8 before getting canned. I know, I know. I never played after high school, what do I know. More than Chip, is my answer.

Down goes another one...

Just once I would like something that we believe to be true to stay that way. I would like to wake up and know that one of college footballs BEST people and most respectable coaches is truly what we've thought he is for the last 45 years. It seems as though this may never happen. I'm sure everyone has heard something about the allegations at Penn State regarding the former Athletic Director, Gary Schultz, and the former Defensive Coordinator, Jerry Sandusky, who allegedly sodomized young boys while at the University. There is an lot of different allegations, plenty of blame for plenty of people.

When I first started hearing about this the other day my first thought was “No way you force out Joe Pa. No way he leaves Penn State in any fashion other that on his own terms.” I don't like Penn State, I never attended school there, I have no reason to have such an emotion response to the news and the speculation that Joe Paterno would be forced out early. However, due to the reputation that Joe Pa has and the fact that man is an Idol in college football I immediately resisted what I was hearing. After all, Joe Pa has a sterling reputation as someone that loves all his students and does a tremendous job teaching them how to become men. I think too few college coaches teach their players about life and just do what they can to make sure they are able to play on Saturday. That's an unfortunate side effect of the money now involved in college football. Joe Pa was a fortunate coach in that his position at Penn State was untouchable, he would coach as long as he pleased and NO ONE would remove him from his position. There was suddenly a lot of talk that Joe Pa would be removed by the Board of Trustees because of what happened.

Then a strange thing happened. I heard an ex-Penn State alum on an interview talking about it. If anyone saw the interview with Matt Millen (yes, THAT Matt Millen! The man I revile and can't believe still works in football) you'll understand. He obviously has a closeness to the situation that far outweighs mine, and yet he was able to say that we have to step back, remove emotion from whats happening and look at all the facts objectively as they come out. This from the guy that almost fought Steve Young before a game for speculating about a team and their coach. Matt Millen was absolutely right, so I started looking at all the facts that had come out. Here they are as we currently know them.

Jerry Sandusky left Penn State somewhat suddenly in 1999.

Then Graduate Assistant walks in and sees Sandusky with a young boy (in the link called Victim 2) with the boy engaged in anal sex with the boy (estimated at 10 years old by the witness) in the showers.

Joe Paterno goes to then AD Tim Curley and tells him what was witnessed.

That, sadly, is about it. There is a HUGE time line for what happened, this is the part that directly relates to Joe Pa. Joe Paterno was made aware and when his superiors basically told him not to worry about it he didn't. He had knowledge that a 10 year old boy was being sodomized in HIS locker room by a coach that had been gone for 3 years and he opted not to go to the police when nothing was done at the school. I hate to say it but Joe Pa bears a lot of responsibility for what happened. Even if he never witnessed it and he never knew about all the other kids Sandusky raped he failed to act on the parts he did have knowledge of. Failure to act is every bit as bad as committing the acts when it comes to rape, whether its rape of kids or adults. I can't see how Penn State can allow him to coach out his final season. It would be like condoning his actions and saying quite loudly that he had no obligation, legal or moral, to do something. Both of those are completely wrong. I've heard that by telling his AD he was resolved of all legal obligation (still baffles me, whatever) but that still leaves the moral aspect.

That was always the great thing about Paterno. He was a man and a coach that held his staff and students, as well as himself, to the highest moral standards. Listen to any of his former players, they are all in shock. Not a single person can believe that he really chose to do nothing! Unless there is some big omission in these reports though that is exactly what he did. He is an accessory to Sandusky's 40 counts of sexual assault. Yep, 40. All of them involving underage boys. Several of them happening in the Penn State locker room. If Paterno escapes with only a tarnished legacy and missing his last two games he should be considered the luckiest man alive. I actually hesitate to say “lucky.” It actually makes me sick to think that. I think everyone knows what I mean though. If Matt Millen is making me see things clearly there is obviously a problem with my own thought process, even though he did get it right.

Here is the report on ESPN that gives the full time line of everything Sandusky did.

http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/7212054/key-dates-penn-state-sex-abuse-case

Making a bad idea worse

I log onto ESPN to read this headline: Dems want HGH testing, tobacco ban in baseball. I refuse to read the article until I calm down. Before anyone starts to think I'm enraged because the Dems want to do something, take a breath. I hate both sides of congress equally, they each to stupid things and they are equally to blame for the state of this country. I also firmly believe that they are both incapable of fixing anything, and they are certainly less than qualified to stick their already busy noses into a professional sport that seems to have things under control.

My rage and anger come from two different areas. First off is congress assuming they have either the legal right or the moral position to tell Major League Baseball that they need to enforce more drug testing. Our congress is as corrupt and self serving as any of the Tobacco companies or oil companies. The difference, of course, is that Congress pretends they have our best interest at heart and that they perform some useful service. Both are incorrect.

I know what people are going to say, I've heard it all before. I know I have an unpopular stance on the issue of performance enhancing drugs in sports. I'm not really for it, but I'm not against it. Remember that summer when McGuire and Sosa were racing for Roger Maris' home run record? How exciting was that?! Seriously, everybody in this country was watching baseball. I remember people that didn't even like the sport were talking about it and wanting to watch a game with those two guys. The Home Run Derby that year at the All Star Game? EPIC! Oh, and one small note about that.. The Andro that McGuire kept in his locker and took before each game? It wasn't a banned substance at the time. Its a pill that increases testosterone production in the body, ultimately producing a steroid like effect. At the time it wasn't even classified as a steroid. Of course now we villafy him, Sosa has bleached his skin white (easily one of the grossest and most terrifying things I've ever seen, by the way) and people forget how great a hitter they both were. People forget how exciting that summer was and how much that helped bring baseball back from the work stoppage and increase popularity in the sport. Baseball has adopted much tougher drug testing since congress got involved a few years ago and I suppose the players are safer for it. Thanks to the Cardinals and Rangers I'd even argue that the sport is as exciting as it's ever been, without drugs.

The fact that congress, in all their wisdom, continues to feel like they need to control our lives down to the last little detail makes the call for banning tobacco a logical next step. I don't understand how anyone can accept our government telling a group of grown men that they can't do something that is LEGAL in this country. Why, because kids see the big leaguers do it and they'll want to do it? How about you leave that issue to the parents. Oh, that's right, parents don't have the capacity to teach their kids right from wrong anymore. If the kids do something bad its never the parents fault anymore, the blame falls to everyone else. Being a parent of two boys I can say, with all honesty, that if either of my sons start chewing before they are 18 I will personally kick their ass. After their 18, well, they can make up their own mind. I can't control them forever and I wouldn't want to. Once they hit 18 I have to hope that what Ice taught them sticks and they make the correct choices in life. If they do decide to chew that still is preferable to them becoming rapists or murderers. I still don't need congress to do my parenting for me.

Can anyone give me an example of anything congress has done right lately? Iraq? Wall Street? The mortgage crash of a few years ago? Pay and hiring freezes for government employees? I'm sure the fact that we had to raise the debt ceiling to keep our country from defaulting on loans to other countries makes people feel good. I can find no reason for congress to do this unless they also plan to make chewing tobacco illegal. If they do that they might as well keep going to make caffeine, sugar, cigarettes and alcohol illegal as well. Why stop there? Fast food makes us fat and causes obesity. Fried foods at home will do the same. Better stop stores from selling oil too!

I realize Ice ranted off on a weird tangent. Basically I just don't see any way for congress, especially given their track record and excellent moral fiber, to make Major League Baseball better. NOTHING they touch turns to anything but bankrupt. I think I'll go back and read the article now, I feel a little better. Long live the sovereignty of major corporations and professional sports!

I'm Baaaaack!

So as I sat down to write this I had the intention of ranting on Tim Tebow being named the starter in Denver. It seemed like a good topic since Bronco fans were all geeked about a guy that went 4 for 10 with 79 yards and wasn't even a great quarterback in college, a guy whose own coaching staff ranks him as the 3^rd best quarterback on the team. Plenty to talk about with Saint Timothy. As I started though I was continually referencing some the asinine things Id heard different sportscasters and analysts talk about. Which led me to a much better and more fun topic, the analysts and commentators in sports. I mentioned some of it to my friend Bill (probably the only person that will ever read this, but whatever) and he agreed this is fun topic. Unfortunately I was forced to endure more airtime from Skip Bayless this morning and instead have been stuck on this all day, at least in my head.

When Darnell Dockett, a law abiding, tax paying citizen living in the state of Arizona, tweeted a few weeks back that he almost took one of his guns to work with him he was immediately made into a media star. Dockett has tweeted often about his guns, he loves living in a state that allows him to arm and protect himself. I'm can also say from experience that guns can be fun and a great way to remove stress. You go to the range, unload a couple hundred rounds into paper targets then go grab some food. Its a satisfying day. So Skip immediately starts tweeting and commenting that Dockett should be fined by the league, the Cardinals should fire him, he should be held accountable. For what, exactly? Legally owning firearms in a right to carry state? For being honest about forgetting to leave it at home? (The Cardinals do not allow weapons on their facilities, which was the only thing Dockett could have gotten in trouble for) I sent some tweets to Skip about this, since Dockett retweeted everything Bayless was saying.

Here is the tweet that got Dockett the most upset from Bayless “Darnell Dockett shld be fined for gun tweets. Came off as boasting about artillery he owns. Sends terrible message to kids, NFL sponsors.

Fined for gun tweets... Made to pay money to the NFL because he tweeted that he almost brought it with him to work. Really? Bayless says that Dockett boasts about his guns, which is true. If you missed the piece on Sunday NFL Countdown 2 weeks about Dockett you'd understand why. Here was part of his reason, which he tweeted back to Bayless.

@RealSkipBayless stop acting like a Chump! you or the NFL can't protect me or my family. I haven't broke the law! Fine me for what?

Dockett's mom was murdered when he was younger. He was raised in the ghettos of Florida, where drugs and guns were part of every day life. The fact that he stayed so focused and has managed to succeed is amazing. I don't blame him for deciding to take his families safety into his own hands. As a father and husband I agree with him completely. Police can only react after the fact, but as an aware and motivated person Dockett can do something at the time its needed, especially since he rolls around Phoenix in a Lambo pretty frequently.

This event passed, Skip faded back into the hole he came from. Life was good again! Then this morning I am flipping through ESPN channels and stopped on First Take. I had never seen the show but was happy to see someone ranking NFC football teams. I don't even remember who was ranking his top five anymore, that hows badly I wanted to choke Skip Bayless when he came running in from off camera to argue about the top 5. They were listed as 1. Green Bay 2. New Orleans 3. Detroit 4. Washington 5. San Francisco Skip ran on stage to bring in a Dallas helmet to replace the Washington and San Francisco helmets based on the logic that Dallas beat them both. That is correct. Dallas also lost to the 1-3 Jets and the 5-0 Lions. Dallas lost in typical Romo fashion, through turnovers and a second half collapse. Based on a 2-2 record as well as the epic choke jobs it took to lose those two games I don't understand how anyone could think Dallas is better than Washington. Personally I'm still not sold on San Francisco but time will tell. Either way, to say only that Dallas was killing the Jets and Lions in the first half and they beat those other two teams means they should be considered better than their 2-2 record is just stupid. Whoever the guy was he would answer Bayless with one word: So? That seemed to make Skip mad, which made me laugh. Skip Bayless clearly has a hard-on for the Cowboys, very possibly Jerry Jones (and who doesn't since Jones got all that work done a few years back?). Yes, lets just ignore the two 2^nd half meltdowns and the two losses in 4 games, they're clearly a better team that those with more wins. Lets ignore a quarterback that has shown many times over the past 3 years that he can lose any game in heartbreaking fashion! He'll fumble, he'll throw it right to the most dangerous cover man in the game, he'll pull an “Eli” and opt to dive instead of slide and he'll make his teammates cry in public because they know he'll do it again soon.

I know for a fact that Skip Bayless has said plenty of other stupid things, I just don't listen to him. I hear his voice and I turn the channel or station. I often wonder why ESPN continues to pay guys like him and Matt Millen. Is it really just the shock factor that he brings? It worked, here I am at 11pm ranting and wishing I could get close enough to take my old Jose Canseco bat to his head. Until then I'll just watch reruns of My Wife and Kids, which is seemingly always on.

I'm "that" guy

As fans we're very passionate about our teams. When they win we are on top of the world, when they lose we're depressed, angry and difficult to deal with for a little while. As much as I think the product of college football is better than the NFL I can honestly say that I NEVER get this emotionally involved with my Cal Bears, although I still hate Texas and Mack Brown for what they did to us through whining like a little bitch back in 2005. Aside from that single incident nothing in sports moves me more than the New York Giants every time they line up to play. As a fan I know and accept that they won't be the best team every year and that they won't win every game. (Ask the Braves how that helps with fan interest)

Side note: Just watched Manningham trip over himself and blow a sure touchdown. This will tie in directly to my rant.

Historically we, as fans, had zero ability to communicate with players and teams. Our pleasure or displeasure was seen only through attendance and calls to radio shows. No guarantee that the team would ever hear or see it beyond its affect on the bottom line. Not a good system.

Enter Twitter. It has singlehandedly changed with way that fans communicate with players AND teams! On my twitter account I follow the likes of Michael Strahan, Terrell Thomas, Steve Smith (gone but never forgotten) and two different accounts that are controlled and run by the New York Giants themselves. Even better, one account is owned by the Vice President of Communications for the Giants, Pat Hanlon. The good news, for fans, is that every time the Giants DO NOT convert a 3^rd down I get to let the team know my displeasure at letting Steve Smith go. I can do things like this “@Giants psst... 1 for 17 on 3^rd down THIS YEAR! STEVESMITHSTEVESMITHSTEVESMITH.”

Why do I do this? Well, first off I'm an asshole. I'm also a very passionate and angry fan. My friend Bill and I emailed back and forth all off season talking about which players should the Giants keep, who did we think they could afford to lose, what about the draft... You get the point. The name he I threw around ALL the time, especially as training camp was about to start, was the name of Steve Smith. Smith was not the fastest, the tallest or the best receiver the giants had. What he was was a great slot receiver that was reliable on 3^rd downs. He got open, he went over the middle and he made the catch. There was never a question on important 3^rd downs who was gonna get the ball, we knew. Eli finds Smith, Smith makes the grab and its 1^st down Giants. I can understand not wanting to overpay for a guy coming off a serious knee operation, I really can. What I can't understand is letting such a solid player go to a divisional rival WITHOUT EVEN OFFERING HIM A CONTRACT. After he signed with Philly the Giants claimed they were never given the chance to match the Eagles offer. Really? So all off season and once the CBA was settled NOBODY in your front office thought “Hey, if we don't resign Smith who's gonna be the go-to 3^rd down guy?” Oh yeah, nobody! Unacceptable. Even worse that you lose two impact players to divisional teams, with Barry Cofield being the second.

That is also the bad side to twitter. It allows me to send tweets to @giantspathanlon and remind him every day (multiple times when we can't convert a 3^rd time) that they let a solid player go to a divisional rival. I've become “that guy.” I won't apologize though and I'm eagerly awaiting the time when @giants or @giantspathanlon decide to respond to my constant and accusatory tweets. I suppose for the Giants its better than being the Bengals and having fans that don't give a crap, right?

Halftime just finished and the Giants are up 21-6. I'm angry, my wife has sent me to the room to watch the game and so far my tweets are unanswered. If you need me I'll be berating the giants on twitter every time they can't convert on 3^rd down. Go Blue!

Insomnia

It's amazing the things you think about when you wake up at 3 am and can't fall back asleep. Here's a typical night of sleeplessness for me.

• What ever happened to all the good sitcoms? I realize we have Big Bang Theory (Kaley Cuoco makes everything better!) and How I Met Your Mother, but beyond that? I can remember the days of Murphy Brown, Roseanne, Cosby Show, Fresh Prince among others. While shows like Wipeout and Take the Money and Run are good nothing will ever replace the half hour sitcom as nightly entertainment.
• Does Tony Romo actually suck that bad or does he owe the mafia? I am leaning towards he sucks but I've been wrong before.
• Is there any way at all to make my name replace a common object, like Xerox has done for anything we ever copy and Coca Cola has done for most common sodas?
• Why did they ever think Kirsten Dunst was a good Mary Jane Watson? Wasn't Mary Jane supposed to be kind of fiery and dominant? Kirsten was weak and annoying.
• How different would my life be if I were 7 feet tall?
• If they ever do perfect the virus that turns us all to zombies will the double tap rule work? If not I need to know, I have stuff to prepare.
• Speaking of zombies, whats the sudden fascination with them? I'd much rather be a Vampire. Near limitless power AND you get to nibble on necks? You can fly, you never age and you never decompose. All wins.

Am I stupid?

You know those iconic sportscasters that you hear and you have to stop and listen? The Joe Bucks, the Vin Scully's of the world? I have unfortunately found the farthest thing from them, and I keep finding him whenever I turn on football games. Can someone explain to me how Matt Millen can possibly keep getting jobs that involve his “knowledge” of the sport?

How does ESPN expect me to take him seriously? Do they think I've forgot the near brawl with Steve Young over comments about the Vikings locker room in relation to Brett Favre? In case Millen isn't aware, the job of sportscaster is primarily SPECULATING about the happenings in the NFL. To Steve Young's credit, I'd say it was a fair and accurate statement that Leslie Frasier had lost that team, in no small part due to Favre's desire to ruin the Vikings season by playing every week.

Maybe I'm supposed to forget that Millen drafted, in consecutive years, Charles Rodgers, Roy Williams and Mike Williams (lets not forget Mike had declared after his sophomore year at USC and was deemed ineligible to play, so he sat for an entire year before he was drafted). Tell me someone didn't come to him before choosing Mike Williams and say, “Hey Matt, I know you like the tall receiver from USC but we don't have a line, your choice of Joey Harrington a few years ago is a bust, and we haven't actually fielded an NFL defense in about 6 years. Maybe take Demarcus Ware or Shawne Merriman? They have serious NFL potential..” I'm sure Millen would have choked them out if they'd suggested it. (As a side note that guy in Green Bay, Aaron Rodgers, went a full 14 picks later. Man was he a bust..)

All I'm trying to say is that when I turn on a college game the last thing I need to hear is Matt Millen explaining the finer points of football to me. He was THE WORST GM in NFL history. He lost his Monday Night Football job with ESPN because he was ready to go with a Hall of Fame quarterback for GIVING HIS OPINION on a team that was predicted to make a Superbowl run yet finished 6-10. I would have thought Millen would know EXACTLY what a dysfunctional locker room looked like. I guess I don't know anything since I never played in the NFL.