I'm Baaaaack!

So as I sat down to write this I had the intention of ranting on Tim Tebow being named the starter in Denver. It seemed like a good topic since Bronco fans were all geeked about a guy that went 4 for 10 with 79 yards and wasn't even a great quarterback in college, a guy whose own coaching staff ranks him as the 3^rd best quarterback on the team. Plenty to talk about with Saint Timothy. As I started though I was continually referencing some the asinine things Id heard different sportscasters and analysts talk about. Which led me to a much better and more fun topic, the analysts and commentators in sports. I mentioned some of it to my friend Bill (probably the only person that will ever read this, but whatever) and he agreed this is fun topic. Unfortunately I was forced to endure more airtime from Skip Bayless this morning and instead have been stuck on this all day, at least in my head.

When Darnell Dockett, a law abiding, tax paying citizen living in the state of Arizona, tweeted a few weeks back that he almost took one of his guns to work with him he was immediately made into a media star. Dockett has tweeted often about his guns, he loves living in a state that allows him to arm and protect himself. I'm can also say from experience that guns can be fun and a great way to remove stress. You go to the range, unload a couple hundred rounds into paper targets then go grab some food. Its a satisfying day. So Skip immediately starts tweeting and commenting that Dockett should be fined by the league, the Cardinals should fire him, he should be held accountable. For what, exactly? Legally owning firearms in a right to carry state? For being honest about forgetting to leave it at home? (The Cardinals do not allow weapons on their facilities, which was the only thing Dockett could have gotten in trouble for) I sent some tweets to Skip about this, since Dockett retweeted everything Bayless was saying.

Here is the tweet that got Dockett the most upset from Bayless “Darnell Dockett shld be fined for gun tweets. Came off as boasting about artillery he owns. Sends terrible message to kids, NFL sponsors.

Fined for gun tweets... Made to pay money to the NFL because he tweeted that he almost brought it with him to work. Really? Bayless says that Dockett boasts about his guns, which is true. If you missed the piece on Sunday NFL Countdown 2 weeks about Dockett you'd understand why. Here was part of his reason, which he tweeted back to Bayless.

@RealSkipBayless stop acting like a Chump! you or the NFL can't protect me or my family. I haven't broke the law! Fine me for what?

Dockett's mom was murdered when he was younger. He was raised in the ghettos of Florida, where drugs and guns were part of every day life. The fact that he stayed so focused and has managed to succeed is amazing. I don't blame him for deciding to take his families safety into his own hands. As a father and husband I agree with him completely. Police can only react after the fact, but as an aware and motivated person Dockett can do something at the time its needed, especially since he rolls around Phoenix in a Lambo pretty frequently.

This event passed, Skip faded back into the hole he came from. Life was good again! Then this morning I am flipping through ESPN channels and stopped on First Take. I had never seen the show but was happy to see someone ranking NFC football teams. I don't even remember who was ranking his top five anymore, that hows badly I wanted to choke Skip Bayless when he came running in from off camera to argue about the top 5. They were listed as 1. Green Bay 2. New Orleans 3. Detroit 4. Washington 5. San Francisco Skip ran on stage to bring in a Dallas helmet to replace the Washington and San Francisco helmets based on the logic that Dallas beat them both. That is correct. Dallas also lost to the 1-3 Jets and the 5-0 Lions. Dallas lost in typical Romo fashion, through turnovers and a second half collapse. Based on a 2-2 record as well as the epic choke jobs it took to lose those two games I don't understand how anyone could think Dallas is better than Washington. Personally I'm still not sold on San Francisco but time will tell. Either way, to say only that Dallas was killing the Jets and Lions in the first half and they beat those other two teams means they should be considered better than their 2-2 record is just stupid. Whoever the guy was he would answer Bayless with one word: So? That seemed to make Skip mad, which made me laugh. Skip Bayless clearly has a hard-on for the Cowboys, very possibly Jerry Jones (and who doesn't since Jones got all that work done a few years back?). Yes, lets just ignore the two 2^nd half meltdowns and the two losses in 4 games, they're clearly a better team that those with more wins. Lets ignore a quarterback that has shown many times over the past 3 years that he can lose any game in heartbreaking fashion! He'll fumble, he'll throw it right to the most dangerous cover man in the game, he'll pull an “Eli” and opt to dive instead of slide and he'll make his teammates cry in public because they know he'll do it again soon.

I know for a fact that Skip Bayless has said plenty of other stupid things, I just don't listen to him. I hear his voice and I turn the channel or station. I often wonder why ESPN continues to pay guys like him and Matt Millen. Is it really just the shock factor that he brings? It worked, here I am at 11pm ranting and wishing I could get close enough to take my old Jose Canseco bat to his head. Until then I'll just watch reruns of My Wife and Kids, which is seemingly always on.

I'm "that" guy

As fans we're very passionate about our teams. When they win we are on top of the world, when they lose we're depressed, angry and difficult to deal with for a little while. As much as I think the product of college football is better than the NFL I can honestly say that I NEVER get this emotionally involved with my Cal Bears, although I still hate Texas and Mack Brown for what they did to us through whining like a little bitch back in 2005. Aside from that single incident nothing in sports moves me more than the New York Giants every time they line up to play. As a fan I know and accept that they won't be the best team every year and that they won't win every game. (Ask the Braves how that helps with fan interest)

Side note: Just watched Manningham trip over himself and blow a sure touchdown. This will tie in directly to my rant.

Historically we, as fans, had zero ability to communicate with players and teams. Our pleasure or displeasure was seen only through attendance and calls to radio shows. No guarantee that the team would ever hear or see it beyond its affect on the bottom line. Not a good system.

Enter Twitter. It has singlehandedly changed with way that fans communicate with players AND teams! On my twitter account I follow the likes of Michael Strahan, Terrell Thomas, Steve Smith (gone but never forgotten) and two different accounts that are controlled and run by the New York Giants themselves. Even better, one account is owned by the Vice President of Communications for the Giants, Pat Hanlon. The good news, for fans, is that every time the Giants DO NOT convert a 3^rd down I get to let the team know my displeasure at letting Steve Smith go. I can do things like this “@Giants psst... 1 for 17 on 3^rd down THIS YEAR! STEVESMITHSTEVESMITHSTEVESMITH.”

Why do I do this? Well, first off I'm an asshole. I'm also a very passionate and angry fan. My friend Bill and I emailed back and forth all off season talking about which players should the Giants keep, who did we think they could afford to lose, what about the draft... You get the point. The name he I threw around ALL the time, especially as training camp was about to start, was the name of Steve Smith. Smith was not the fastest, the tallest or the best receiver the giants had. What he was was a great slot receiver that was reliable on 3^rd downs. He got open, he went over the middle and he made the catch. There was never a question on important 3^rd downs who was gonna get the ball, we knew. Eli finds Smith, Smith makes the grab and its 1^st down Giants. I can understand not wanting to overpay for a guy coming off a serious knee operation, I really can. What I can't understand is letting such a solid player go to a divisional rival WITHOUT EVEN OFFERING HIM A CONTRACT. After he signed with Philly the Giants claimed they were never given the chance to match the Eagles offer. Really? So all off season and once the CBA was settled NOBODY in your front office thought “Hey, if we don't resign Smith who's gonna be the go-to 3^rd down guy?” Oh yeah, nobody! Unacceptable. Even worse that you lose two impact players to divisional teams, with Barry Cofield being the second.

That is also the bad side to twitter. It allows me to send tweets to @giantspathanlon and remind him every day (multiple times when we can't convert a 3^rd time) that they let a solid player go to a divisional rival. I've become “that guy.” I won't apologize though and I'm eagerly awaiting the time when @giants or @giantspathanlon decide to respond to my constant and accusatory tweets. I suppose for the Giants its better than being the Bengals and having fans that don't give a crap, right?

Halftime just finished and the Giants are up 21-6. I'm angry, my wife has sent me to the room to watch the game and so far my tweets are unanswered. If you need me I'll be berating the giants on twitter every time they can't convert on 3^rd down. Go Blue!

Insomnia

It's amazing the things you think about when you wake up at 3 am and can't fall back asleep. Here's a typical night of sleeplessness for me.

• What ever happened to all the good sitcoms? I realize we have Big Bang Theory (Kaley Cuoco makes everything better!) and How I Met Your Mother, but beyond that? I can remember the days of Murphy Brown, Roseanne, Cosby Show, Fresh Prince among others. While shows like Wipeout and Take the Money and Run are good nothing will ever replace the half hour sitcom as nightly entertainment.
• Does Tony Romo actually suck that bad or does he owe the mafia? I am leaning towards he sucks but I've been wrong before.
• Is there any way at all to make my name replace a common object, like Xerox has done for anything we ever copy and Coca Cola has done for most common sodas?
• Why did they ever think Kirsten Dunst was a good Mary Jane Watson? Wasn't Mary Jane supposed to be kind of fiery and dominant? Kirsten was weak and annoying.
• How different would my life be if I were 7 feet tall?
• If they ever do perfect the virus that turns us all to zombies will the double tap rule work? If not I need to know, I have stuff to prepare.
• Speaking of zombies, whats the sudden fascination with them? I'd much rather be a Vampire. Near limitless power AND you get to nibble on necks? You can fly, you never age and you never decompose. All wins.

Am I stupid?

You know those iconic sportscasters that you hear and you have to stop and listen? The Joe Bucks, the Vin Scully's of the world? I have unfortunately found the farthest thing from them, and I keep finding him whenever I turn on football games. Can someone explain to me how Matt Millen can possibly keep getting jobs that involve his “knowledge” of the sport?

How does ESPN expect me to take him seriously? Do they think I've forgot the near brawl with Steve Young over comments about the Vikings locker room in relation to Brett Favre? In case Millen isn't aware, the job of sportscaster is primarily SPECULATING about the happenings in the NFL. To Steve Young's credit, I'd say it was a fair and accurate statement that Leslie Frasier had lost that team, in no small part due to Favre's desire to ruin the Vikings season by playing every week.

Maybe I'm supposed to forget that Millen drafted, in consecutive years, Charles Rodgers, Roy Williams and Mike Williams (lets not forget Mike had declared after his sophomore year at USC and was deemed ineligible to play, so he sat for an entire year before he was drafted). Tell me someone didn't come to him before choosing Mike Williams and say, “Hey Matt, I know you like the tall receiver from USC but we don't have a line, your choice of Joey Harrington a few years ago is a bust, and we haven't actually fielded an NFL defense in about 6 years. Maybe take Demarcus Ware or Shawne Merriman? They have serious NFL potential..” I'm sure Millen would have choked them out if they'd suggested it. (As a side note that guy in Green Bay, Aaron Rodgers, went a full 14 picks later. Man was he a bust..)

All I'm trying to say is that when I turn on a college game the last thing I need to hear is Matt Millen explaining the finer points of football to me. He was THE WORST GM in NFL history. He lost his Monday Night Football job with ESPN because he was ready to go with a Hall of Fame quarterback for GIVING HIS OPINION on a team that was predicted to make a Superbowl run yet finished 6-10. I would have thought Millen would know EXACTLY what a dysfunctional locker room looked like. I guess I don't know anything since I never played in the NFL.